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I Had an Accident (321SPONGEBOLT's version)
OPENING TITLE CARD AND CREDITS Title Card music - Honolulu March (Hans Haider) Rewrite by - 321SPONGEBOLT Transcript (Bubbles rise revealing Sand Mountain. Patrick screams as he slides down, then flies in the air while screaming. His helmet and sandboard fly off, then Patrick screams as he's about to hit a mountain. He does, and shatters into pieces. The top of the screen says "GAME OVER", then the camera zooms out revealing Patrick was playing his yellow Gameboy Color) Patrick: Oh, darn it! I'm dead again! This game stinks. (Patrick flies off a slope and screams as he's about to fly into a mountain, just like in his game. Then shatters into pieces just like in his game. Then we cut to Spongebob and Sandy.) Spongebob: See? That's why you must always pay attention to the mountain. Sandy: Ah'm I'm listening to you, mountain! (Sandy jumps and starts sandboarding, but passes by Patrick's feet.) Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick. Patrick: Oh, yeah, I forgot. (Eats yellow sand on a plate) Sandy: Hey, Spongebob. Watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward". (We cut to Squidward sitting at a table on a lodge by the mountain drinking tea) Squidward (Mad): Stop naming moves out of me! Sandy (Doing an impression of Squidward): Everybody's an idiot except for me. Squidward (Mad): (Scoffs) Well, it's... (Remembers something and turns his head around) Hey, that's not true! (Sandy imitates Squidward laughing, and we cut to Patrick and Spongebob laughing until Spongebob gasps in realization.) Spongebob: Sandy! Watch out for that tree! (We see a tree wearing a mask and an oxygen tank) Sandy: (Suddenly stops laughing like Squidward as she sees the tree) Huh? (Shreds around the tree and misses) Don't worry, boys, everything is under control, ‘cause ah'm I'm an... (Her board hits a log and she spins super fast into the air and flies off the mountain) EXPERT...! (Sandy starts going down and screams as she falls) Spongebob (Calling out): Sandy! Use your suit! (We cut to Sandy falling) Spongebob (Off-screen): Take if off and use it like a parachute! Sandy (While falling): (Unzips her suit and reveals her bikini while trying to aim her torso to the ground) You mean like this? Patrick (Calling out): No, your other suit! Spongebob (Mad at Patrick's comment): Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? Patrick: Not until four 4:00pm. (We cut back to Sandy falling) Sandy (While falling): (Realizes something) Wait! Ma My jetpack! (Sandy is about to press the button on her suit, but her crash landing kills the moment, and ends up having no feet and tail. The shattered pieces of Sandy also appear on Spongebob and Patrick's faces and bodies.) Spongebob: Ow! That's gotta hurt. Patrick: (Turns to Sandy) Do it again! I wasn't looking! (Bubbles rise revealing the Bikini Bottom Hospital, and inside, we see Sandy's hips and tail in a cast.) Dr. Gill Gilliam: Well, Miss Cheeks. It looks like your gluteus maximus max-a-muh-ss has made a full recovery. Sandy: You mean ma my butt's all better? Dr. Gill Gilliam: Exactly. It's really quite amazing. (Turns on the x-ray machine, revealing Sandy's x-rays) It took us two hours to get it all stitched. (With one arm he shows an empty spool) We actually ran out of thread while we were sewing you, (With his other arm he reveals a roll of duct tape) so we had to use duct tape. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky girl. But from now on, I just want you to be more careful. One more injury like that and you could wind up like that poor creature there in the Iron Butt. (We cut over to Tom in the Iron Butt. He feels the pain coming from the machine as it heals him.) Tom (in Pain): Aww, man. It itches. (Bubbles rise revealing Sandy walking out of the hospital) Sandy: You heard the doctor, Sandy. One more injury like that, and it's the Iron Butt! Perhaps ah've I've been too careless back there. (Pats her butt cast) From now on, ah'm I'm on around the clock butt patrol. (Sandy approaches Harold and gets in a karate stance when her tail touches him) Sandy (Mad): Hey! Get your hands away from ma my tail! Ah'm I'm warning you! Harold (Annoyed): What's your problem? (Walks away from her) Sandy (Relieved): Whew. That was close. (Sandy turns to a football field, where a football player talks to her.) Football Player: Hey, Sandy! Why don't you join us? We need an extra player. (Another football player runs into the shot by catching the flying football) Nice catch, Percy! (Slaps Percy's bottom) (In the next shot, Sandy cringes as she holds her butt. Then another fish gets her attention.) Jimmy Gus: Hey, Sandy! (Sandy screams) You gotta try this out, girl! (We cut over to Jimmy in a crawling position in front of a long line of fish.) We finally got enough people to perform a seven hundred-mile mi. spanking machine (Laughs and begins crawling through the legs of the fish who spank him) Jimmy Gus (While crawling, voice fading away): (Fish spanks him) Ouch! (Fish spanks him) Ouch! (Fish spanks him) Ouch! (Fish spanks him) Martin: Next! (Sandy gasps, then screams as she runs out of the shot. Then Squidward walks into the shot.) Squidward: Is this where the line starts? (The next shot shows Sandy running into her treedome) Sandy (While running): Ma My tail's not safe out here! (Sandy is out of her suit and stands by the same lever in her home from "Texas") Sandy: None of me is safe! (Pulls the lever and brings down a metal covering on the treedome) (Bubbles rise revealing Spongebob sliding down a slope with his tounge, while Patrick slides on his belly on his clam shell like he's belly-sliding) Patrick (While belly-sliding): Woo-hoo! Spongebob (With his tongue out): Yeah, look at us go! I'm Superman! Patrick (While belly-sliding): Yeah, and I'm a penguin! (Camera zooms in on Sandy's metal dome in the next shot) Spongebob (Off-screen, With his tongue out): Hey, it's Sandy's place. (On screen, Spongebob and Patrick come to a complete stop, while Spongebob scrapes the sand out of his tongue. Patrick however, is still laughing hysterically.) Spongebob: I wonder why she has her house in lock down mode? (Spongebob and Patrick enter Sandy's treedome while wearing their water helmets. Patrick still keeps laughing hysterically.) Spongebob: Hi, Sandy. (Patrick is still laughing hysterically, but Spongebob then glares at Patrick, who dies down on laughing and clears his throat shortly after.) Patrick (Nervously smiling): That was fun. Spongebob: Are you ready to go sandboarding again, buddy? (In the next shot, Sandy is shown sitting in a criss-cross zen position, and has a nickle, a cookie, and a napkin shaped like a mountain.) Sandy (Calm, smiling): Oh, howdy boys. Enjoying the outside world? Spongebob (Confused): What are you doing sitting in the middle of the floor like that? Sandy: Oh, living out the remainder of ma my life, in safety. If you guys were as smart as me, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. Ah I was one of the lucky ones. Ah'm I'm a survivor. And so ah I simply decided that ah'm I'm never leaving my treedome again. Spongebob (Mad): That's crazy talk! Patrick: No, it's not, Spongebob. This is crazy talk. Patrick (With his tongue out): Blah-blah-blah-blah! Blah-blah-blah-blah! Bob, bob, bob. (Starts shaking his head violently from side to side) Blblblblbl... (Spongebob hammer-fists Patrick in frustration to shut him up) Patrick (Muffled, voice echoing): Sorry. Sandy: Naw, he's right, Spongebob. You saw what happened. And next time it won't just be ma my butt and ma my tail, it'll be ma my arm, or ma my armpit, or ma my air helmet. Patrick: Or your other armpit. Sandy: Ah I was wrong to go against nature. Ah'm I'm a squirrel. What was ah I thinking? Walking... ma my people are sedentary se-dent-air-ee. Spongebob: Just sitting in your house? Aren't you gonna be lonely? Sandy: Of course not. Ah I won't be lonesome. Ah've I've got all the friends Ah I need right here. (Picks up the nickle and we see a close up of Sandy's hand) This is Nickel, (Picks up the cookie and we see a close up of Sandy's other hand) and Cookie, And say hello to Mount Napkin. (Picks up Mt. Napkin) Spongebob: But, what if you want to go back to Texas? Sandy: Not a problem! (Puts on virtual reality helmet and takes out a remote controller) (We cut to a squirrel in Texas, it looks like a real squirrel, but the reality is, its eyes are green for the lens.) Sandy (Off-screen): A robot replica of me. Spongebob: What about eating? Sandy: Ah'm I'm a squirrel. Ah I live in a tree, remember? Nuts will grow and fall out at any minute. Spongebob (Mad): Sandy, sooner or later, you're gonna have to go outside! Sandy (Mad): Listen, ah I already told you, ah'm I'm never leaving my dome again. Patrick: Never ever? Sandy (Mad): Never ever ever. Patrick (Tensing up): Never never ever ever for-never ever? Sandy (Mad): Never ever never ever never ever never! Patrick (Worried): Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever!? Sandy (Mad): (Groans) Never ever never ever... Sandy (Mad) and Patrick (Joining in, nervous): Never ever never ever never ever never ever... (A few seconds later, Spongebob is easily annoyed and shuts them up.) Spongebob (Mad): ALRIGHT YOU TWO, THAT IS ENOUGH! Sandy (Mad and calm): Thank you. (To cookie) Cookie, would you mind showing those boys to the door? (Slides it across the grass and it stops at the door) (Spongebob leaves as he stares at Sandy with angry eyes. Patrick leaves too, but stops to talk to Sandy's cookie) Patrick: Thank you, cookie. (Closes the door) (We cut to outside the treedome where he and Spongebob take off their air helmets. From the right of Sandy's house, we see Mr. Krabs' anchor house.) Patrick: I guess we'll have to find another girl to be friends with. (Gasps and turns to Mr. Krabs' house) Hey, Pearl! Pearl (Mad): (Opens her window) No! (Slams her window) (Patrick sadly moans, but then sees Squidward walking by and gets an idea.) Patrick: Hey, Squidward! Squidward: No! (Patrick sadly moans again) Spongebob: No we don't Patrick. We'll get Sandy to come outside, and then she'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. Patrick: Yeah. And that's when I (Shows Spongebob his hand wearing a boxing glove) punch her, right? (Spongebob stares blankly at the screen. Then bubbles rise revealing jellyfish outside Sandy's treedome. Spongebob is shown wearing his jellyfish glasses.) Spongebob: Look at all the jellyfish! Too bad Sandy's missing out on all the fun. Sandy (Hears the jellyfish buzzing): Jellyfishing, huh? (Pulls the lever, making the metal surface go away.) Patrick: Heh-heh. Caught one! (Puts head in the net and his jellyfish sticks to his face) Huh? Patrick (Scared): Uh... uh... (We cut back to Sandy, shielding her eyes from Patrick getting electrocuted while he screams in pain.) Sandy: Ah, poor Patrick. Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. Ma My new hobby is much more safer. (Walks up to a table and sets up three tin cans with targets on them) Target practice. (Camera shows a close-up of Sandy's hand holding a Nerf gun. Then Sandy shoots three darts. The last one hits a can.) Bull's-eye! Ah I got one! Spongebob: We've got to try something else. (Bubbles rise revealing Spongebob and Patrick entering Sandy's treedome with a giant chocolate cake with acorns on it) Spongebob and Patrick: ♪Three cheers on your birthday, Sandy! Three cheers for you!♪ Spongebob: Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish. Sandy: Ah I don't need no wishes, Nickel. Everything ah I could ever want is right here. In fact, why don't ah I pull out ma my guitar (Pulls out her acoustic guitar) and ah'll I'll play a song about the joy of stayin' indoors. (At this point, Sandy plays her guitar as she sings.) ♪Ah I (Strums) know of a place (Strums), where you'll (Strums) never get harmed.♪ ♪A (Strums) magical (Strums) place. With (Strums) magical charms.♪ ♪(Strums) Indoors. (Strums) Indoors. (Strums) In... (Strums repeatedly during her long final note) doors!♪♪ Patrick (Crying): Wow. (Sniffling) Sandy has the most beautiful singing voice. Spongebob (Mad): Alright, that's the last straw, Sandy! (Points to her as she smiles with no reaction) We're gonna find you a hobby that's so fun you'll have to come outside for it! (Bubbles rise and we see Spongebob bouncing on a trampoline) Spongebob (While bouncing): Trampoline! Patrick (Holding an ice cream cone): Ice cream! (Spongebob is shown in his blue swimsuit and is riding a surfboard) Spongebob (While surfing): Surfing in Goo Lagoon! Patrick (Holding two ice cream cones): Two ice creams! (Spongebob is riding a ferris wheel next to Sandy's treedome) Spongebob: Ferris wheel! Patrick (Holding two melting ice cream cones): Still two ice creams. (Spongebob is shown in his red karate gloves and karate helmet, and cardboard cutouts of ninjas are shown.) Spongebob: Karate chopping! Hi-yah! (Chops off one cardboard ninja's head) (Patrick is shown brushing an old fish's back while bathing) Patrick (While brushing): Washing an old person! Spongebob: Patrick, that's not fun. Old Man fish: It is for me! (We cut back to Sandy singing from inside her treedome, the camera zooms out revealing the boys watching Sandy.) Sandy (From inside): ♪Ah I (Strums) know of a place (Strums), where you'll (Strums) never get harmed...♪ Spongebob: Nothing's working, Patrick! Patrick (Worried): What do we do? Old Man fish: (Slides up from the middle) I say we take a bath! Spongebob: Um, I'm sorry. But this doesn't concern you. (Old man fish frowns and bubbles rise revealing Spongebob and Patrick rising their heads from behind a purple rock. Spongebob, then Patrick go back into hiding. The next shot reveals Spongebob wearing a gorilla suit.) Spongebob (Gorilla Suit): Alright, Pat. You know what to say right? Patrick: Right! (Spongebob puts on the head piece of his gorilla costume) Patrick: (Opens Sandy's door and waves a white flag) Alright, Sandy. You win. Stay inside all you want to. Yours is truly the iron will. (Spongebob now fully dressed jumps up from behind Patrick and roars and growls.) Patrick (Scared): (Screams in horror) A gorilla! Save me, Sandy! (Spongebob growls some more, then marches in place while doing a long raspberry. Sandy however, isn't convinced at Patrick being truly scared.) Sandy (Unconvinced): Okay, guys, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even ah I know Spongebob wore that costume for Halloween last year. (Spongebob keeps growling and dancing around, and Patrick gets even more scared.) Patrick (Scared): No, really! You've gotta come and save me! (Suddenly from behind Spongebob in the gorilla suit, a second Spongebob appears in his Krusty Krab hat.) Spongebob #2: So Patrick. Who's your new best friend? Patrick: Huh? But... you're suppose to be in the gorilla suit. Spongebob (Gorilla Suit): I am in the gorilla suit. (Takes the headpiece off) I was the one who came up with the plan, remember? Patrick: (Points to Spongebob #1) Well, if you're Spongebob... who's that guy? (Spongebob #2 unzips his head and an angry gorilla head pops up and growls) Patrick (Scared): (Gasps and points) A real gorilla! Sandy (Confused): Huh? (The gorilla rips out of the Spongebob costume and Spongebob and Patrick scream as the gorilla screeches. Spongebob and Patrick scream again, only in the middle of their scream, the gorilla grabs the boys and stuff them in a bag. Then the gorilla repeatedly beats them up as it screeches.) Sandy (Scared): Holy tarnation! (The gorilla sits on the bag and bounces on Spongebob and Patrick like a hopper ball) Sandy (Scared): This... can't... be happening! (The gorilla slams the bag with a chair. After breaking it, the gorilla uses two chair legs as drum sticks and drums Spongebob and Patrick. Then we cut to inside where Sandy talks to her "friends" while the gorilla still attacks Spongebob and Patrick from outside Sandy's treedome.) Sandy (Calling out): This is exactly the kind of thing ah I was talking about! Sandy: Well, they were asking for it. It's not like ah I didn't warn them about the dangers of outside. Yes, cookie. ah I know they're ma my two best friends. But ah I already told them. Ah'm I'm never going outside ever again. Sandy (Mad): We can deal with the name callin', thank you very much, Mount Napkin! Sandy: (Sighs) You're right, nickel. It were me out there getting harassed by a five-foot primate who's scarier than a hawk snatching rodents at sunrise, ma my friends would rescue me. (Stands up and the camera zooms in on her) And ah I have to do the same for them! (Sandy snatches her suit and zips it up, then puts on her air helmet.) Sandy (Uneasy): Well, here ah I go. From the safety of ma my home, to the outside world. (She gulps and we shots of her face and legs shaking. Then she slowly reaches for the door while shaking. The door shakes as well until Sandy opens it.) Sandy: Ah'm I'm taking ma my first step. (Walks slowly) So far, so good. (Continues walking slowly, feeling more confident) I think I can do this! (Sandy, a piece of paper slams onto Sandy's air helmet.) Sandy (Screaming): GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! (We cut to Pearl in her room on the phone, she watches Sandy screaming and rolls her eyes.) Sandy (from a distance): GET IT OFF! NICKLE! HELP ME! AAH! Pearl: (Rolls her eyes) Oh brother. Sandy (Screaming): GET IT OFF! (Rips the paper off of her and she pants) Sandy: Ah I feel so alive. (Notices nothing else is happening and smiles) Yee-haw! Ah I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now! (The gorilla's shadow appears under Sandy, who sees the gorilla face-to-face.) Sandy (Scared): (Points) Except that! (The gorilla is about to snatch her with his arm) Whoa! (Jumps out of the way) Hi-yah! (Chops one of his feet, and the gorilla screeches in pain as it hops on one foot. Later, Sandy gets a better idea.) Wait a minute. Hey, Donkey Kong! (The gorilla turns his head to her. In the next shot, Sandy unzips her suit and takes out a banana bunch.) Ah I got something for ya. Nice juicy bananas. Gorilla (Distracted): (Gasps in happiness) Ooh! (Runs up to the bananas and eats them) Sandy: That'll keep him distracted. (From behind, she runs up to the bag and opens it, revealing Spongebob (still in his gorilla suit) and Patrick dizzy and in pain.) Spongebob, Patrick, are you two okay? Spongebob (Gorilla Suit) and Patrick (In pain): Yes, Sandy. Sandy: Oh, good. Ah I wanna tell y'all something. Ah'm I'm sorry ah I caused all this. Ah'm I'm not scared of going outside anymore. (We cut to the gorilla happily scarfing on the bananas and throwing the peels into the air) Sandy (Off-screen): But ah I am terrified of gorillas right now. Spongebob (Gorilla Suit): Oh, that's okay, Sandy. Patrick: Yeah, us too. Sandy: Although, you know what ah I don't understand? Spongebob (Gorilla Suit): No, what? Sandy: What's a gorilla doing underwater in the first place? (We see a close-up of the gorilla's eyes widening in shock. The gorilla stops eating after hearing that.) Gorilla (Man's voice): D'oh! Well, it's funny you should, uh, you see, GEORGE, THEY'RE ON TO US! (A horse whinny is heard as George shows up. The score "Calling All Clowns" by David Lindup plays as George enters.) George: Let's get out of here. (The gorilla gets on George and they ride off into the sunset. Spongebob (still in a gorilla suit) stands in the middle with Patrick on his left side and Sandy on his right side as the letters writing "THE END" appear at the top of the screen. As the score comes to a close, the camera zooms out showing the episode was on TV.) (On the final note, it is revealed that a family was watching this episode. By the time the music ends, the father turns to the mother and gives her a confused look, he shakes his head, and faces the camera. Then he presses the "POWER" button on the remote control and turns off the TV, which ends the episode.) THE END Trivia (Exclusively for my version) * George's voice is similar to Elmer from "The Fairly Oddparents", another popular Nicktoon. * Spongebob would dress up like a gorilla again in "Boating Buddies". * Spongebob's tongue slide was later used in videogames starting with "Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom" * Donkey Kong is the name of one of Nintendo's most iconic characters. Category:321SPONGEBOLT Category:Transcripts Category:Fanon Works Category:Rewritten Versions of Episodes